Weight Struggles

This topic has been weighing on my heart for some time, and when i woke up this morning and it was the first thing I thought of, i realized how much it truly affects me! So, I decided to put it on paper and let it out! Maybe someone out there has the same struggle and I can help them to understand that they are not alone!

Every morning, like clockwork, it’s the same routine! I get up, make coffee, use the bathroom and then strip down and weigh myself! That moment determines how the rest of my day will go! If it’s lower, I feel accomplished, I feel empowered, motivated! If it’s the same, I’m indifferent! I didn’t gain, so I’m not upset, but i didn’t lose either, so maybe I need to try harder!? If the number is up…prepare to deal with my cranky side the rest of the day! No matter what that number is, I will still pick apart everything I did wrong the day before! Maybe if I hadn’t tasted the food before I seasoned it the scale would be lower! Maybe if I had drank just 20oz more of water, the scale would have gone down! Then I begin analyzing my workouts! Maybe I could have gone harder! Maybe I need to start logging how many calories I’m burning for each workout! Maybe I should lift less and increase my cardio! Should I nix my lifting until I drop all this body fat and then start lifting again!

Every day, all day, this is what’s it’s like in my head! It’s constant! It’s draining, it’s numbing! It makes me second guess everything I eat! My current struggle is with getting my food in check! While I still obsess over the scale everyday, and I still obsess over my food, I’m currently struggling with tracking, with portion control, with cravings! I’m struggling with my inability to limit myself! Because I’m afraid! I’ve been In that dark place! So many times! I’ve been sickly skinny, I’ve purged over and over again, I’ve binged and then purged, some times multiple times in 1 day! I was bad off! With that being said, I struggle with tracking! While it does give me a sense of control, it also makes me uneasy! I don’t like to limit my food choices because it makes me feel like I’m spiraling back into the dark places! However, at 33yrs old with 2 kids, I struggle with maintaining my weight!

If I religiously track, and I keep it clean, I succeed at dropping weight! But the second I allow myself to insert a “bad” food into that flow I have…it’s like a loss of control! I can’t stop, I can’t eat one cookie, I can’t eat 2, I just eat and eat and eat, then not long after that I completely stop tracking, next thing I know I’ve gained 10lbs and I’m extremely unhappy!

I’ve done enough research and reading to understand the calories in VS calories out, i know how to do it! If it wasn’t for the amount of time I spend working out, I know my weight would be higher! That scares me! What if I get injured and I can’t workout?

Eating disorders are such a stigma, people don’t want to talk about them, those who have never dealt with them personally can’t sympathize with someone who does struggle! Just bescause I was a teenager when I was at my worst, doesn’t mean that as an adult, all my problems have gone away! Because they haven’t! I learned how to cope and how to deal, for the most part! I know my triggers. Doesn’t mean I’m always good at avoiding them or controlling them. I no longer purge, so I have come a long way in my walk with Eating disorders! Binging is and probably will always be a struggle for me!

Some people have judged my ability to train others or to help others lose weight because of my on again off again weight gain, because I don’t have visible abs, maybe I’m not the most athletic when it comes to some things, but I have a heart for helping people and I have the drive to be a better person and to help others to be the best they can be! Maybe being a trainer wasn’t the best choice for my profession given my history, and the judgement that comes along with the industry, but I love what I do!

I allow social standards of what a woman should look like determine how I️ feel about myself somedays! That’s silly because I’m an adult! I know better, for the most part, I really could care less what others think about me, but if I’m judged based on my weight, or my aesthetics or lack there of, it’s a huge trigger for me! It’s something I literally can’t control! I lm not sure what the road ahead looks like for me in regards to my food! Some days i wish i was as focused on my food as I am with my workouts! My lifts don’t discourage me, even on a horrible day…but food has that affect! I hate feeling guilty for eating cake, that seems so silly! Writing it all out makes it seem so insignificant to worry about something so trivial when things could be so much worse for me! Unfortunately, this is the way my brain works! I’m happy binging, until it’s over…I’m unhappy tracking because of the restriction I feel! It’s a lose lose battle for me! Hopefully one day I beat this! For now it’s a matter of survival and doing what needs to be done for me to be healthy!

I hope anyone out there that is struggling with an eating disorder, that you seek help! If your purging, please talk to someone! Your quality of life is so much better when that is not a daily ritual in your life!Unfortunately there is no cure for Eating Disorders, just tools that can teach you to cope! If you know someone who is struggling, be there for them, try to understand the strength it takes to overcome this!

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Just some fitness

I decided to incorporate my public workouts from my business page and Facebook page to my blog as well!!! I hope to reach and help more people!! 

Please like, share and follow! 
25 min time cap:100 jumping jacks 

20 shoulder presses

10 weighted step ups 
100jumping jacks 

15 shoulder presses 

15 weighted step ups
100 jumping jacks 

10 shoulder presses 

20 weighted step ups 
* if need be choose to do the modified version of jumping jacks, or do high knees for 1min.

For shoulder presses, start position begins with arms parallel to the floor, elbows bent making a 90 degree angle! keep chest up, core tight, choose a weight that is moderate but challenging, push weight all the way up over your head, and bringing arms back down to start position in a controlled manner! Repeat for number of reps! 

For weighted step ups, if you have a plyo box, that’s great, if not, you can use a bench, or steps! Don’t choose something that is to high, and costs you your form, or you can slip or miss and get hurt! Hold dumbless to your side, step up with one leg, down with the other, both feet meet back on the ground, step up with opposite leg, other legs meets on the box, stand up right completely, step down with opposite foot you stepped up with, feet meet together on the ground, repeats for number of reps! Choose a moderate but challenging weight, keep your chest up, core right and drive through those heels, quads and hamstrings as you step up onto the box!* 
Good luck! Have fun! Don’t forget to share, like and follow! 

#fitnessfun 

#bodyweight 

#weights 

#getmoving 

#empower 

#gainz 

#goals 

#fitspo 

#workoutyoucandoathome 

#lessthan30min 

#fewminutestoyourself 

#doitforyou

Summer of Hero Wods

Well, its official, school is over and that means summer time fun has officially begun! We have a long busy summer. As most of you already know, we are moving to Dothan, Alabama next month, so we have a lot to do to get ready for the move, in a very short period of time. Our new home has an in ground pool in the back yard, which will be used a ton once we get there, so we are excited about that! I am excited to be able to incorporate some pool time into my daily sweat sessions, and even be able to use some pool therapy with some of my new clients. So, we have a lot going on. There is one thing I am looking forward to doing before we move, and that is the chance to do ‘MURPH” at my local crossfit box.  Some may understand, some may not. Memorial day is next Monday, which is what most consider the official kick off of summertime festivities. Most either don’t realize or are unaware of the actual meaning of this holiday.

Memorial day is a national holiday, which is meant to honor and give thanks to our service members who gave the ultimate sacrifice in order to protect our freedoms. Fifteen years of war, most of us are connected to it in some form or fashion. You may know someone who has been affected by war in some way, or know a family that has been affected. Memorial day is not a day to thank a Veteran, its a day to thank our Gold star families; those who lost a loved one to war, to remember those individuals and their sacrifice.

As Americans, we celebrate this holiday with cookouts, fun on the lake and good times with friends. Enjoying the nice sunny weather, warmer temperatures and carefree feeling that summer time brings. Which is great, because that means the sacrifice our service men and women gave, will not be in vain. They paid the ultimate price, so that we can live that carefree life our four fathers fought so hard for us to have. With that being said,  I am looking forward to participating in Murph this year. For those who are unfamiliar with this workout, let me break it down for you:

1Mile run

100 pullups

200pushups

300 air squats

1 mile run

all while wearing a 20lb weighted vest.

BRUTAL, RIGHT?! That’s what I like. Its a challenge, mentally and physically. This is one of those Workouts that tests your mental strength from the beginning.

“MUPRH”, was named after Lt Micheal Murphy, a US Navy Seal who while under heavy enemy fire for more than 2 hours, risked his life when he exposed himself in order to make radio contact in order to prpvide his teams location for rescue.  Its reported that this workout was Lt Murphy’s favorite workout, in his honor, it was named after him.

Murph, normally performed on Memorial day each year, and in the weekends following, crossfit boxes all over the country perfrom a Hero Wod every Saturday for the duration of the summer. This is the communities way of acknowledging and showing love and appreciation for our fallen soldiers.  I have had the privilege of completing numerous Hero wods over the past few years, they are excurutating and most represent the Hero in some way. When you get down to the bare bones of these Hero  WODS, its about sacrifice, its about pushing through when you think you cant, because the soldiers who are being honored, did just that. They kept going, even in dire circumstances they never gave up. Thats what its all about. Pushing yourself, channeling those brave soldiers who risked their lives for us, they never thought twice, they jumped in, head first and literally gave everything. I am honored to spend my life honoring my fellow brothers and sisters in as many ways as I possibly can. With that, I have decided, following Murph on Memorial day, I will spend every Saturday completing 1 Hero Wod for the duration of the summer, I will dedicate that day to that soldier, I will know his/her story, and I will compelte that Wod in their honor. Scaled, Rx, it doesn’t matter.

I am not currently affiated with a Box at this time, and most likely wont be for awhile, thankfully, I am blessed enough that our soon to be new home has a large enough garage that will be converted into my own little gym, where I will complete these WODS. My plan is to complete each Wod, and then blog about my experience, , my thoughts, feelings, etc while doing so. I am really truly excited about doing this. It will give me a chance to jump back into crossfit ater some time off, give me a chance to work on my weaknesses, and be able to honor those who gave the ultimate sacrifice. SO, HERE IS TO THE SUMMER OF HERO WODS. 

6 pack bag will be my life saver!

So, we got the news last week that my husband got the promotion he was gunning for, which means, it’s time to pack up our stuff and head to Alabama! This weekend my husband and I will be taking a trip down to the area we will be soon calling home,  to find a new home! I’ve debated the last few days about how I was going to let this play out! We will be staying at hotel for 3days, in the car for 16hrs, to drive there and back home, do I say, screw it and let my food tracking go out the window, and start fresh Monday morning? Or do I dig deep, prep some food, dust off my 6 pack bag and man up and follow the plan? So,  I’m gonna do a little of both! This 6pack bag is amazing, it really is! I have traveled with it before! It kept frozen water bottles, completely frozen for 9hours in a trunk, in the middle of summer in Louisiana!! Amazing!! I couldn’t believe it! So I totally trust, packing up my food and leaving it in the bag for the 8 hour drive we have! 

I decided to prep snacks and  7 of the 11 meals I will have to eat while we are gone! I’m going to have fun and enjoy dinner dates with my husband on this business trip we are taking…with no kids might I add😬!  However, I am gonna stay on track! I’m down 23lbs in 5 months and I don’t want to completely sabattoge that! So, I’ll keep my surplus of calorie intake at a minimum…maybe only two dessert dates😉, eat my tracked food and know it’s for the best! 

I think it’s time for me to get a new 6 pack bag, just because black isn’t my color…I’m thinking pink! Hey, if I’m gonna use a bad a$$ cooler to keep all my food cold for 8 hours, it might as well look as bad a$$ as it works!! Seriously tho, if you haven’t tried these bags, I highly recommend you do so! There are numerous compartments, so you can store many different meals, the Tupperware it comes with is big enough to hold my portions, they don’t leak and they wash really well! The side compartments of the bag, stay cold really really well! Last time I put a bag of frozen veggies in the sides and they were still frozen 8 hours later! Score! So, lots of room for all your snacks and foods and drinks! If you travel a lot, or your not home for all your meals, I recommend you do some research and try them out! You won’t regret it! Best purchase I ever made!!

There will be a follow up post regarding how well this plan of food tracking I have, went, and of course how well the 6pack bag worked! However, I know for a fact it’s this bag is hold up its end of the deal! 

Stay tuned! 

I’M BACK! *UPDATE*

 

Phew!!!!  it’s been a while since I have blogged anything. It’s been a crazy crazy year. Where to begin? Let’s see, I stopped CrossFit and began strictly training for an Olympic Lifting meet. During this time, I was interning at our Barbell Club as an OLY coach. The hardest part wasnt the heavy lifting or all the food I had to consume…that was the fun part…the hard part was giving up cardio. I’m not going to lie, it was nice not having to run, or be out of breath, but it was difficult to exit that state of mind. During this time, my husband put in for a promotion, and was offered the job….in Louisiana, 9 hours away!!! So, ten days after accepting the position, we drove to La, found a home, drove back to TN, packed up all our stuff, drove back to La, moved into our new home, 3 days later, DROVE BACK to TN, competed in our Oly Meet, and then finally DROVE back to La, for good. There was so much driving, it was exhausting, physically and mentally. Despite all the chaos, the husband and I managed to place first place in our weight classes for our OLY meet. That was exciting and rewarding, I wasn’t optimistic going into the meet, so it was nice to reap the rewards of my hard work.

 

                Once we settled into our new home and new routine, my middle child started the new school year and I found a job. The local Wellness Center offered me a Part Time Personal Training position. In the beginning, it was just a way to meet new people and enjoy my love of fitness. However, its turned into so much more. I love love love the job and all my clients. I’ve made great friends and a handful of my clients who have been consistent have made tremendous progress. I really didn’t think things could get much better. Until my boss asked me if I was interested in becoming trained in house to become a regular Spin Instructor. WHAT?? I must admit, I was hesitant and nervous. It was hard in the beginning, now, 4 months later, I’m teaching 2 classes a week! Wasn’t sure it could get any better! I really need to stop saying that. Two months ago, I was asked if I would become the Heavy Bag Instructor for our Center. I said yes, I spent a few weeks training and I started teaching. I am currently the only class instructor and its booming.  I have most defiantly been blessed this last year.

 

I made two large commitments to myself at the start of the new year. I decided that I was going to take my health serious, get the extra weight off, get my Body fat to where it needs to be and get serious about my training. If I’m going to be a Personal Trainer, and teach people about living a healthy lifestyle, I need to practice what I preach. Another promise I made to myself, was to let go. Stop trying to micro manage and let things happen. With that, I had to give my life over to Jesus.  That meant, knowing, and trusting that it’s in his hands, and that he will take care of my family and myself. That was hard for me. Giving up all control to God, was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. However, once finally doing so, the rewards have been nonstop. His love has been insurmountable and with that I am eternally grateful.

 

                With all I’m glad to be back, be more consistent and to share my love and passion for fitness with everyone that I can reach.

 

Rachel

 

MAN….Im Starving!!

Today is Wednesday! I have had 4 workouts since Monday, I still have one waiting for me when my husband gets home from work (our date). I have been going along with my day, cleaning, laundry, wrangling the toddler, took a 2 mile walk at the local walking trails, pushing a 30 lb toddler in a 30 lb jogging stroller, while I strutted my 16lb weighted vest. The hills are a killer. Going down, my shins and calves felt every single step. Going up, my arms, hamstrings, and quads were on fire. My lungs at the top of the hill, were on fire. My toddler, however, was enjoying the ride. Looking back at me wondering what all the noises were about. After that torture was finished, I had some errands to run. While running these errands, which included a stop at the mall to return somethings, I had to pep talk myself. NO PRETZEL!!! YOU WILL NOT GET A PRETZEL. Auntie Ann’s pretezel’s are so delicious. I am fully aware of my lack of will power when it comes to these delicious, salt, carb-loaded, buttery goodness. I ended up being strong…YAY GO ME!. My toddler got some. I have some how managed to  not eat any of it. Even as I type this, the left over pretzel nuggets are sitting on the table, within fingers reach of me, and I haven’t grabbed one!! That’s dedication. LOL. So, I get home, and I’m starved. Everything is frozen, because I failed to plan ahead. Lets see, what do I have in my cabinets? Albacore tuna, seasonings, I have some sweet potato’s, in the fridge I have parsley, eggs, cilantro. Lets see what happens.

I drain the tuna, remove it from the can and place it into a plastic bowl. I place the average size sweet potato in the microwave and cook until tender. While that’s cooking, I chop some cilantro, parsley and add it to the tuna. Crack open an egg, add that to the tuna. Melt some kerry gold butter, add 2 tbsp of that to the mixture. Stir together evenly. Now that the sweet potato is finished, I cut it in half, scoop the insides out, add to the mixture, and mash it all together. Once evenly mixed, I set the oven for 350 degrees, grease a muffin tin, and begin placing small balls in to the muffin tins. Then I press them down flat, and place them in to the over for 20-25min. Once done, take them out, let them cool and enjoy! They are actually really good. I expected it to taste fishy, but the sweet potato, I think softened the fish taste a bit. The original recipe calls for jalapenos, I didn’t have any, so went without. Which I don’t mind, Im not in the mood for heartburn later. I recommend trying these. If you store them correctly, they can be a great on the go snack, or even a quick lunch, pop them into the microwave and BAM, lunch is served. Carbs, protein and some fat. Paleo for those of you who follow that trend. You can find the entire recipe  at:

http:www.shemusclefitness.trainerize.com

Snack Proof

imageIf your human, then you have suffered from the snack attack. The moment in time, when the hunger pain strikes, you have wondered aimlessly around your kitchen, opening cabinets, drawers, scouring the pantry and fridge for that perfect snack. Your not sure what it is that you want, and everything you have, has no appeal to this insatiable desire for that unknown food. Three things happen in this moment, you finally decide on the snack, it may not be exactly what you wanted, but its cured that nagging hunger pain, you have snacked on almost everything you have in the house, nothing hit the spot, or you have chosen to not eat anything, and will walk around HANGRY, until you figure out what it is exactly that you are needing. Does this sound like you? I know I have many days, sometimes a few times a day when I feel famished. The snack attack is even worse, if your trying to change your nutrition habits. The need to eat and curb that craving can make you angry, irritable, tired, frustrated, etc etc. You don’t want to destroy all the good you have done that day, week(s). So what do you do? How do you feed the craving without destroying all you have worked for. EASY. Prepare. First off, take a good hard look at these cravings. When do they hit? What are you doing in that moment? How long has it been since you last ate or drank something? What did you last eat or drink? These are important questions, and you need to be honest with yourself. Are you really hungry, or are you bored, thirsty?  Personally, I noticed that my cravings hit, when my children napped. Its was quiet, first time I have had a second to think, to sit down. That’s when the cravings hit. HMMMMM…..I’M HUNGRY!!! What do I want? EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING!!! In most cases, I try to take a hard look at the situation and determine if I’m really hungry or not. Some times I discover, this moment of craving, is actually the first time I have thought about food all day. I haven’t eaten breakfast, had a snack, nothing. Ive consumed water and coffee, usually numerous cups. So in this case, I’M FAMISHED and I need to eat. On the other hand, on days when I have eaten breakfast, had a snack and eaten lunch, the moment of craving, is pure and utter boredom. So, what do I do. Well, in the case of boredom, I decide if I really wanna push my next meal time up. Do I have another workout planned? If not, I move my snack time up, and have whats on the menu. If I have a workout later, then the snack time needs to stay put, so I can be fueled for the torture I will be enduring later that day. So, if I’m starving and I cant eat, I get up and do something. I chug some water, fold some laundry, vacuum, do some reading, take the dogs out, yoga, stretch, write programming for clients, etc. You get the idea. Get moving. Nine times outta ten, that boredom craving will subside, because you are busy and have forgotten about it. If you get busy and you cant seem to shake the craving, then you need to take a look at what your eating. That’s a different post.

PREPARE! I try to keep all my trigger foods out the house, Oreo’s, fruit snacks, chips. You know what I’m talking about. I purchase things that are light, but have good nutritional value. I keep measuring cups and spoons handy. Its important to understand how to read the nutritional information on packaging as well. Keep to your serving sizes, watch your portions. Pack your snacks if your going to be out and about for the day. Doing so, you will avoid drive thru and convenience store junk.

So today, I had a desire to eat. I have Class tonight, Olympic Lifting to be exact. 1 hour of high volume, heavy weight, self induced torture. Its what I love. Its important that I fuel myself for that. So, I eat. Today, it was 1/2 cup of 2% cottage cheese, and a 1/4 cup of Real Medley Super Grain Granola (apple cinnamon). I get my carbs, fat, protein, and some sweetness all in one. It holds me until I eat again before class. If your not a cottage cheese kinda person, switch it up for some Vanilla Greek yogurt.