Weight Struggles

This topic has been weighing on my heart for some time, and when i woke up this morning and it was the first thing I thought of, i realized how much it truly affects me! So, I decided to put it on paper and let it out! Maybe someone out there has the same struggle and I can help them to understand that they are not alone!

Every morning, like clockwork, it’s the same routine! I get up, make coffee, use the bathroom and then strip down and weigh myself! That moment determines how the rest of my day will go! If it’s lower, I feel accomplished, I feel empowered, motivated! If it’s the same, I’m indifferent! I didn’t gain, so I’m not upset, but i didn’t lose either, so maybe I need to try harder!? If the number is up…prepare to deal with my cranky side the rest of the day! No matter what that number is, I will still pick apart everything I did wrong the day before! Maybe if I hadn’t tasted the food before I seasoned it the scale would be lower! Maybe if I had drank just 20oz more of water, the scale would have gone down! Then I begin analyzing my workouts! Maybe I could have gone harder! Maybe I need to start logging how many calories I’m burning for each workout! Maybe I should lift less and increase my cardio! Should I nix my lifting until I drop all this body fat and then start lifting again!

Every day, all day, this is what’s it’s like in my head! It’s constant! It’s draining, it’s numbing! It makes me second guess everything I eat! My current struggle is with getting my food in check! While I still obsess over the scale everyday, and I still obsess over my food, I’m currently struggling with tracking, with portion control, with cravings! I’m struggling with my inability to limit myself! Because I’m afraid! I’ve been In that dark place! So many times! I’ve been sickly skinny, I’ve purged over and over again, I’ve binged and then purged, some times multiple times in 1 day! I was bad off! With that being said, I struggle with tracking! While it does give me a sense of control, it also makes me uneasy! I don’t like to limit my food choices because it makes me feel like I’m spiraling back into the dark places! However, at 33yrs old with 2 kids, I struggle with maintaining my weight!

If I religiously track, and I keep it clean, I succeed at dropping weight! But the second I allow myself to insert a “bad” food into that flow I have…it’s like a loss of control! I can’t stop, I can’t eat one cookie, I can’t eat 2, I just eat and eat and eat, then not long after that I completely stop tracking, next thing I know I’ve gained 10lbs and I’m extremely unhappy!

I’ve done enough research and reading to understand the calories in VS calories out, i know how to do it! If it wasn’t for the amount of time I spend working out, I know my weight would be higher! That scares me! What if I get injured and I can’t workout?

Eating disorders are such a stigma, people don’t want to talk about them, those who have never dealt with them personally can’t sympathize with someone who does struggle! Just bescause I was a teenager when I was at my worst, doesn’t mean that as an adult, all my problems have gone away! Because they haven’t! I learned how to cope and how to deal, for the most part! I know my triggers. Doesn’t mean I’m always good at avoiding them or controlling them. I no longer purge, so I have come a long way in my walk with Eating disorders! Binging is and probably will always be a struggle for me!

Some people have judged my ability to train others or to help others lose weight because of my on again off again weight gain, because I don’t have visible abs, maybe I’m not the most athletic when it comes to some things, but I have a heart for helping people and I have the drive to be a better person and to help others to be the best they can be! Maybe being a trainer wasn’t the best choice for my profession given my history, and the judgement that comes along with the industry, but I love what I do!

I allow social standards of what a woman should look like determine how I️ feel about myself somedays! That’s silly because I’m an adult! I know better, for the most part, I really could care less what others think about me, but if I’m judged based on my weight, or my aesthetics or lack there of, it’s a huge trigger for me! It’s something I literally can’t control! I lm not sure what the road ahead looks like for me in regards to my food! Some days i wish i was as focused on my food as I am with my workouts! My lifts don’t discourage me, even on a horrible day…but food has that affect! I hate feeling guilty for eating cake, that seems so silly! Writing it all out makes it seem so insignificant to worry about something so trivial when things could be so much worse for me! Unfortunately, this is the way my brain works! I’m happy binging, until it’s over…I’m unhappy tracking because of the restriction I feel! It’s a lose lose battle for me! Hopefully one day I beat this! For now it’s a matter of survival and doing what needs to be done for me to be healthy!

I hope anyone out there that is struggling with an eating disorder, that you seek help! If your purging, please talk to someone! Your quality of life is so much better when that is not a daily ritual in your life!Unfortunately there is no cure for Eating Disorders, just tools that can teach you to cope! If you know someone who is struggling, be there for them, try to understand the strength it takes to overcome this!

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Just some fitness

I decided to incorporate my public workouts from my business page and Facebook page to my blog as well!!! I hope to reach and help more people!! 

Please like, share and follow! 
25 min time cap:100 jumping jacks 

20 shoulder presses

10 weighted step ups 
100jumping jacks 

15 shoulder presses 

15 weighted step ups
100 jumping jacks 

10 shoulder presses 

20 weighted step ups 
* if need be choose to do the modified version of jumping jacks, or do high knees for 1min.

For shoulder presses, start position begins with arms parallel to the floor, elbows bent making a 90 degree angle! keep chest up, core tight, choose a weight that is moderate but challenging, push weight all the way up over your head, and bringing arms back down to start position in a controlled manner! Repeat for number of reps! 

For weighted step ups, if you have a plyo box, that’s great, if not, you can use a bench, or steps! Don’t choose something that is to high, and costs you your form, or you can slip or miss and get hurt! Hold dumbless to your side, step up with one leg, down with the other, both feet meet back on the ground, step up with opposite leg, other legs meets on the box, stand up right completely, step down with opposite foot you stepped up with, feet meet together on the ground, repeats for number of reps! Choose a moderate but challenging weight, keep your chest up, core right and drive through those heels, quads and hamstrings as you step up onto the box!* 
Good luck! Have fun! Don’t forget to share, like and follow! 

#fitnessfun 

#bodyweight 

#weights 

#getmoving 

#empower 

#gainz 

#goals 

#fitspo 

#workoutyoucandoathome 

#lessthan30min 

#fewminutestoyourself 

#doitforyou

Summer of Hero Wods

Well, its official, school is over and that means summer time fun has officially begun! We have a long busy summer. As most of you already know, we are moving to Dothan, Alabama next month, so we have a lot to do to get ready for the move, in a very short period of time. Our new home has an in ground pool in the back yard, which will be used a ton once we get there, so we are excited about that! I am excited to be able to incorporate some pool time into my daily sweat sessions, and even be able to use some pool therapy with some of my new clients. So, we have a lot going on. There is one thing I am looking forward to doing before we move, and that is the chance to do ‘MURPH” at my local crossfit box.  Some may understand, some may not. Memorial day is next Monday, which is what most consider the official kick off of summertime festivities. Most either don’t realize or are unaware of the actual meaning of this holiday.

Memorial day is a national holiday, which is meant to honor and give thanks to our service members who gave the ultimate sacrifice in order to protect our freedoms. Fifteen years of war, most of us are connected to it in some form or fashion. You may know someone who has been affected by war in some way, or know a family that has been affected. Memorial day is not a day to thank a Veteran, its a day to thank our Gold star families; those who lost a loved one to war, to remember those individuals and their sacrifice.

As Americans, we celebrate this holiday with cookouts, fun on the lake and good times with friends. Enjoying the nice sunny weather, warmer temperatures and carefree feeling that summer time brings. Which is great, because that means the sacrifice our service men and women gave, will not be in vain. They paid the ultimate price, so that we can live that carefree life our four fathers fought so hard for us to have. With that being said,  I am looking forward to participating in Murph this year. For those who are unfamiliar with this workout, let me break it down for you:

1Mile run

100 pullups

200pushups

300 air squats

1 mile run

all while wearing a 20lb weighted vest.

BRUTAL, RIGHT?! That’s what I like. Its a challenge, mentally and physically. This is one of those Workouts that tests your mental strength from the beginning.

“MUPRH”, was named after Lt Micheal Murphy, a US Navy Seal who while under heavy enemy fire for more than 2 hours, risked his life when he exposed himself in order to make radio contact in order to prpvide his teams location for rescue.  Its reported that this workout was Lt Murphy’s favorite workout, in his honor, it was named after him.

Murph, normally performed on Memorial day each year, and in the weekends following, crossfit boxes all over the country perfrom a Hero Wod every Saturday for the duration of the summer. This is the communities way of acknowledging and showing love and appreciation for our fallen soldiers.  I have had the privilege of completing numerous Hero wods over the past few years, they are excurutating and most represent the Hero in some way. When you get down to the bare bones of these Hero  WODS, its about sacrifice, its about pushing through when you think you cant, because the soldiers who are being honored, did just that. They kept going, even in dire circumstances they never gave up. Thats what its all about. Pushing yourself, channeling those brave soldiers who risked their lives for us, they never thought twice, they jumped in, head first and literally gave everything. I am honored to spend my life honoring my fellow brothers and sisters in as many ways as I possibly can. With that, I have decided, following Murph on Memorial day, I will spend every Saturday completing 1 Hero Wod for the duration of the summer, I will dedicate that day to that soldier, I will know his/her story, and I will compelte that Wod in their honor. Scaled, Rx, it doesn’t matter.

I am not currently affiated with a Box at this time, and most likely wont be for awhile, thankfully, I am blessed enough that our soon to be new home has a large enough garage that will be converted into my own little gym, where I will complete these WODS. My plan is to complete each Wod, and then blog about my experience, , my thoughts, feelings, etc while doing so. I am really truly excited about doing this. It will give me a chance to jump back into crossfit ater some time off, give me a chance to work on my weaknesses, and be able to honor those who gave the ultimate sacrifice. SO, HERE IS TO THE SUMMER OF HERO WODS. 

6 pack bag will be my life saver!

So, we got the news last week that my husband got the promotion he was gunning for, which means, it’s time to pack up our stuff and head to Alabama! This weekend my husband and I will be taking a trip down to the area we will be soon calling home,  to find a new home! I’ve debated the last few days about how I was going to let this play out! We will be staying at hotel for 3days, in the car for 16hrs, to drive there and back home, do I say, screw it and let my food tracking go out the window, and start fresh Monday morning? Or do I dig deep, prep some food, dust off my 6 pack bag and man up and follow the plan? So,  I’m gonna do a little of both! This 6pack bag is amazing, it really is! I have traveled with it before! It kept frozen water bottles, completely frozen for 9hours in a trunk, in the middle of summer in Louisiana!! Amazing!! I couldn’t believe it! So I totally trust, packing up my food and leaving it in the bag for the 8 hour drive we have! 

I decided to prep snacks and  7 of the 11 meals I will have to eat while we are gone! I’m going to have fun and enjoy dinner dates with my husband on this business trip we are taking…with no kids might I add😬!  However, I am gonna stay on track! I’m down 23lbs in 5 months and I don’t want to completely sabattoge that! So, I’ll keep my surplus of calorie intake at a minimum…maybe only two dessert dates😉, eat my tracked food and know it’s for the best! 

I think it’s time for me to get a new 6 pack bag, just because black isn’t my color…I’m thinking pink! Hey, if I’m gonna use a bad a$$ cooler to keep all my food cold for 8 hours, it might as well look as bad a$$ as it works!! Seriously tho, if you haven’t tried these bags, I highly recommend you do so! There are numerous compartments, so you can store many different meals, the Tupperware it comes with is big enough to hold my portions, they don’t leak and they wash really well! The side compartments of the bag, stay cold really really well! Last time I put a bag of frozen veggies in the sides and they were still frozen 8 hours later! Score! So, lots of room for all your snacks and foods and drinks! If you travel a lot, or your not home for all your meals, I recommend you do some research and try them out! You won’t regret it! Best purchase I ever made!!

There will be a follow up post regarding how well this plan of food tracking I have, went, and of course how well the 6pack bag worked! However, I know for a fact it’s this bag is hold up its end of the deal! 

Stay tuned! 

Getting to the Core of it!

The Truth about Abs

        I have been trying to figure out what exactly my next blog post was going to be about. Bouncing ideas around the last few days, however none of them really stood out. Until yesterday. When the reality of the egotistical industry I work in hit me like a ton of bricks. I was taken back a bit, until I realized I was staring myself in the face.

        So, as we all know, school is about to end; for some of us, beach vacations are upon us, short shorts, crop tops, the choice between two piece or a one piece, sun kissed skin and sun bleached hair. There is one thing, that is seemingly on every one’s mind, and social media doesn’t let you forget…. ABS! Every morning as I sip my coffee and scroll through Facebook, my feed is flooded with 10 min AB challenge, or that magic pill or smoothie that will have your abs popping by dinner. Nonsense. Let me just start out by saying, there is no such pill, no such shake, no wraps, no specific workout that will produce AB’s in a short period of time. What will produce those results, are low body fat, good nutrition, and good genetics. The reason I decided to blog about this topic is due to the discussion I had with two brand new female clients the last two days. It literally blew my mind that both women… BOTH, literally said the exact same thing to me. They both said “I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR VISIBLE ABS!” WHAT?? 

          My first initial reaction was, is it that serious? Really? Anything? As I listened to both of these women talk about this goal they have of visible abs, I reazlied, this idea was coming from social media and not just  Facebook, twitter, etc. Just media in general. Fitness, has been sexualized, and women want to be desired. As mothers and wives, as we enter our 30s, 40s, we realize our youth is behind us, gravity has begun to take control of all things that once stood up right without the help of wonder bras, and double sided tape! We want to be tight and flawless. The media is quick to share photos and videos of fitness models and athletes who have 12 pack core, very little body fat, glimmering with sweat as they promote different supplements that will help the everyday joe schmoe get that desired chiseled look. What the media fails to show, and what most people fail to realize, those athletes spend, years of their lives, hours and hours of their days training, and training hard. They are meticulous about what they put in their bodies, supplement wise and nutrition wise. They are on strict nutrition programs, to make sure they are fueled properly for the energy they are expelling and the type of sport they are training for. They didn’t wake up one day and miraculously have that chiseled core and amazing athletic ability. They trained hard, they gave up things, they sacrificed.

                As I explained to these ladies, the work it was going to take to produce the results they wanted, I could tell that wasn’t what they wanted to hear. Based on the conversation, they thought they could keep up with their moderate 2x a week cardio sessions, neglect of the weight room, and lack of proper nutrition and basically just add some crunches and planks and achieve the desired look, by the end of the week. When I explained that while it was a good idea to train their core, for strength and in time, aesthetics, until their body fat came down, they wouldn’t have visible abdominal muscles. Their response… “So, the ab challenge on Facebook won’t give me abs?” Unless your body fat is already low, the answer is no!

                Thinking about this throughout the last few days, I realized…. that was me! At one point in my fitness journey, I was always doing those ab challenges, always wondering when they were going to pop through. It wasn’t until I got serious about my nutrition, that I realized, I really don’t care if I ever have a 6 pack. Having them meant I was going to have to be meticulous about my nutrition, almost all the time, to maintain.  This means, carefully choosing where I go out to eat, making sure what I eat fits into my daily macros, maintaining my workouts, skipping delicious foods at family functions, because there is literally no way to track those foods. It’s just not worth it to me. Would I like ABs? Sure, are they my priority? No. Will I celebrate the day I see one show through? MOST DEFINATLY! The celebration may possibly be with a cupcake…kidding…. not kidding. The point is, that look takes sacrifice, unless your one of those people who won the genetic lottery and have that carved, sculpted look without even trying, Abs take work and they take sacrifice. Continue reading Getting to the Core of it!