Weight Struggles

This topic has been weighing on my heart for some time, and when i woke up this morning and it was the first thing I thought of, i realized how much it truly affects me! So, I decided to put it on paper and let it out! Maybe someone out there has the same struggle and I can help them to understand that they are not alone!

Every morning, like clockwork, it’s the same routine! I get up, make coffee, use the bathroom and then strip down and weigh myself! That moment determines how the rest of my day will go! If it’s lower, I feel accomplished, I feel empowered, motivated! If it’s the same, I’m indifferent! I didn’t gain, so I’m not upset, but i didn’t lose either, so maybe I need to try harder!? If the number is up…prepare to deal with my cranky side the rest of the day! No matter what that number is, I will still pick apart everything I did wrong the day before! Maybe if I hadn’t tasted the food before I seasoned it the scale would be lower! Maybe if I had drank just 20oz more of water, the scale would have gone down! Then I begin analyzing my workouts! Maybe I could have gone harder! Maybe I need to start logging how many calories I’m burning for each workout! Maybe I should lift less and increase my cardio! Should I nix my lifting until I drop all this body fat and then start lifting again!

Every day, all day, this is what’s it’s like in my head! It’s constant! It’s draining, it’s numbing! It makes me second guess everything I eat! My current struggle is with getting my food in check! While I still obsess over the scale everyday, and I still obsess over my food, I’m currently struggling with tracking, with portion control, with cravings! I’m struggling with my inability to limit myself! Because I’m afraid! I’ve been In that dark place! So many times! I’ve been sickly skinny, I’ve purged over and over again, I’ve binged and then purged, some times multiple times in 1 day! I was bad off! With that being said, I struggle with tracking! While it does give me a sense of control, it also makes me uneasy! I don’t like to limit my food choices because it makes me feel like I’m spiraling back into the dark places! However, at 33yrs old with 2 kids, I struggle with maintaining my weight!

If I religiously track, and I keep it clean, I succeed at dropping weight! But the second I allow myself to insert a “bad” food into that flow I have…it’s like a loss of control! I can’t stop, I can’t eat one cookie, I can’t eat 2, I just eat and eat and eat, then not long after that I completely stop tracking, next thing I know I’ve gained 10lbs and I’m extremely unhappy!

I’ve done enough research and reading to understand the calories in VS calories out, i know how to do it! If it wasn’t for the amount of time I spend working out, I know my weight would be higher! That scares me! What if I get injured and I can’t workout?

Eating disorders are such a stigma, people don’t want to talk about them, those who have never dealt with them personally can’t sympathize with someone who does struggle! Just bescause I was a teenager when I was at my worst, doesn’t mean that as an adult, all my problems have gone away! Because they haven’t! I learned how to cope and how to deal, for the most part! I know my triggers. Doesn’t mean I’m always good at avoiding them or controlling them. I no longer purge, so I have come a long way in my walk with Eating disorders! Binging is and probably will always be a struggle for me!

Some people have judged my ability to train others or to help others lose weight because of my on again off again weight gain, because I don’t have visible abs, maybe I’m not the most athletic when it comes to some things, but I have a heart for helping people and I have the drive to be a better person and to help others to be the best they can be! Maybe being a trainer wasn’t the best choice for my profession given my history, and the judgement that comes along with the industry, but I love what I do!

I allow social standards of what a woman should look like determine how I️ feel about myself somedays! That’s silly because I’m an adult! I know better, for the most part, I really could care less what others think about me, but if I’m judged based on my weight, or my aesthetics or lack there of, it’s a huge trigger for me! It’s something I literally can’t control! I lm not sure what the road ahead looks like for me in regards to my food! Some days i wish i was as focused on my food as I am with my workouts! My lifts don’t discourage me, even on a horrible day…but food has that affect! I hate feeling guilty for eating cake, that seems so silly! Writing it all out makes it seem so insignificant to worry about something so trivial when things could be so much worse for me! Unfortunately, this is the way my brain works! I’m happy binging, until it’s over…I’m unhappy tracking because of the restriction I feel! It’s a lose lose battle for me! Hopefully one day I beat this! For now it’s a matter of survival and doing what needs to be done for me to be healthy!

I hope anyone out there that is struggling with an eating disorder, that you seek help! If your purging, please talk to someone! Your quality of life is so much better when that is not a daily ritual in your life!Unfortunately there is no cure for Eating Disorders, just tools that can teach you to cope! If you know someone who is struggling, be there for them, try to understand the strength it takes to overcome this!

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Macro’ing and Moving

Amongst the boxes, hauling away stuff to donate, filling my trash bin past its breaking point, arguing with children about why I’m throwing away broken toys..”NO, I will not buy you a new one!”,  tripping over boxes, and doing other mom stuff, wife stuff, work stuff, I find myself wondering about food! Shocking, I know! Hard to believe I’m thinking about food, as I’m stuffing my face with my third meal of the day! hehe.  As I’m packig up nonessential kitchen items, I got to thinking about what exactly my plan is going to be for the next 30-45 days we are here. The husband will be gone to his new job, so it will be the kiddos and I left to feed. Kids are easy.  Well, at least mine are. Bascially, they live off of ramen noodles (gross), peanut butter and jelly, or fluff for my four year old, frozen pizza, or they  are held against their will and tortured into eating what I cook. The latter for them is equivalent to being forced into child slavery. Bunch of drama queens! Chicken is good for you. If ya ask my nine year old, she would disagree as she refuses to swallow that piece of chicken shes been  chewing for 30 minutes…super gross. Anyways,  doing the macro counting, my meals are for the most part, faily simple. Most days, I’m eating almost the exact same thing. Its just easier that way. Howver, Iim trying to make this even easier, minimual supplies, very few dishes to wash, dry and put away, little clean up. Basically, I want to pack my entire kitchen, and still be able to feed my kids and be on the mark with my macros! So, how am I going to do that??? WELL, since you asked…..

I have already been doing it, just in a messier, less frugal way. So, to minimize my effort, I will stick to the basics. Choose 1 meat to eat for 2-3 meals a day for 6 days, 1 type of veggie and 1 complex carb. The next week, Ill change up what I eat. Breakfast is usually the same thing, some form of eggs, some form of other protein and toast. Sometimes I switch it up and make breakfast pizza or breakfast sandwhich. I don’t worry about prepping breakfast, because I’m home for it. Lunch and dinner are usually the more hectic, I’m home from work logn enough to eat, get some cleaning done and then I go back. I don’t want to spend the little time I have, cooking and cleaning my mess. Dinner is the worst. I’m getting home from work, girls need showers, I wanna just sit down and not expend any energy, but kids have to eat. So, I want simple!!!

So, step 1: Cook chicken.! Seems easy enough. I went easier, 2.5lbs of frozen chicken, taken out of its packaging, placed in crockpot, seasoned as desired, lid on, turn on high, let cook 4 hours…BAM!!! Chicken done.  I shred it, add a bit more seasoning, transfer from crockpot to  Tupperware, and place in refridgerator. The chicken I made Sunday, has lasted me at least 2 meals a day and will be gone Friday night! Super easy. Very little effort.

Step 2: What to make with it? Veggies, of course. I actually bought the 3lb bag of birds eye stirfry mix. I throw away the season packet, and just use the frozen veggies. So, lunch and dinner vegetables are done. I don’t separate and weigh out for all week, because I eat different amounts everyday, so I leave it in the original bag, and just weigh out what I need, when I need it. No extra mess.

Step 3:  So, do I make sweet potatoes or rice? While I really love rice, I am not a fan of day old, let alone week old rice, especially when its been cold. So, sweet potatos it is. For these I just bought a 5 lb bag from Walmart. I don’t pre-cook them, cause  I don’t like how soggy they get. However, its really no trouble to prepare, I weigh the one I want, stick it in the microwave for 6 mins, and DONE!

All things considered, what will I need unpacked in my kitchen? Crockpot, fork, knife, spoon, Spatula, cast Iron skillet, cookie sheet, microwave, 3 plates, 3 bowels, dish soap and sponge. Now THAT is frugal!!!

I feel pretty good about this. I don’t mind eating the same thing over and over again, especially since I do switch it up, week to week. My kids are easy, if I decide they are eating what I have, then my chicken may not last as ong1 That’s ok, its nothing to throw more chicken in the crockpot before I go to bed, let it cook all night, and put it in the refridgerator before I leave for work in the morning.

 

 

 

Just some fitness

I decided to incorporate my public workouts from my business page and Facebook page to my blog as well!!! I hope to reach and help more people!! 

Please like, share and follow! 
25 min time cap:100 jumping jacks 

20 shoulder presses

10 weighted step ups 
100jumping jacks 

15 shoulder presses 

15 weighted step ups
100 jumping jacks 

10 shoulder presses 

20 weighted step ups 
* if need be choose to do the modified version of jumping jacks, or do high knees for 1min.

For shoulder presses, start position begins with arms parallel to the floor, elbows bent making a 90 degree angle! keep chest up, core tight, choose a weight that is moderate but challenging, push weight all the way up over your head, and bringing arms back down to start position in a controlled manner! Repeat for number of reps! 

For weighted step ups, if you have a plyo box, that’s great, if not, you can use a bench, or steps! Don’t choose something that is to high, and costs you your form, or you can slip or miss and get hurt! Hold dumbless to your side, step up with one leg, down with the other, both feet meet back on the ground, step up with opposite leg, other legs meets on the box, stand up right completely, step down with opposite foot you stepped up with, feet meet together on the ground, repeats for number of reps! Choose a moderate but challenging weight, keep your chest up, core right and drive through those heels, quads and hamstrings as you step up onto the box!* 
Good luck! Have fun! Don’t forget to share, like and follow! 

#fitnessfun 

#bodyweight 

#weights 

#getmoving 

#empower 

#gainz 

#goals 

#fitspo 

#workoutyoucandoathome 

#lessthan30min 

#fewminutestoyourself 

#doitforyou

I’M BACK! *UPDATE*

 

Phew!!!!  it’s been a while since I have blogged anything. It’s been a crazy crazy year. Where to begin? Let’s see, I stopped CrossFit and began strictly training for an Olympic Lifting meet. During this time, I was interning at our Barbell Club as an OLY coach. The hardest part wasnt the heavy lifting or all the food I had to consume…that was the fun part…the hard part was giving up cardio. I’m not going to lie, it was nice not having to run, or be out of breath, but it was difficult to exit that state of mind. During this time, my husband put in for a promotion, and was offered the job….in Louisiana, 9 hours away!!! So, ten days after accepting the position, we drove to La, found a home, drove back to TN, packed up all our stuff, drove back to La, moved into our new home, 3 days later, DROVE BACK to TN, competed in our Oly Meet, and then finally DROVE back to La, for good. There was so much driving, it was exhausting, physically and mentally. Despite all the chaos, the husband and I managed to place first place in our weight classes for our OLY meet. That was exciting and rewarding, I wasn’t optimistic going into the meet, so it was nice to reap the rewards of my hard work.

 

                Once we settled into our new home and new routine, my middle child started the new school year and I found a job. The local Wellness Center offered me a Part Time Personal Training position. In the beginning, it was just a way to meet new people and enjoy my love of fitness. However, its turned into so much more. I love love love the job and all my clients. I’ve made great friends and a handful of my clients who have been consistent have made tremendous progress. I really didn’t think things could get much better. Until my boss asked me if I was interested in becoming trained in house to become a regular Spin Instructor. WHAT?? I must admit, I was hesitant and nervous. It was hard in the beginning, now, 4 months later, I’m teaching 2 classes a week! Wasn’t sure it could get any better! I really need to stop saying that. Two months ago, I was asked if I would become the Heavy Bag Instructor for our Center. I said yes, I spent a few weeks training and I started teaching. I am currently the only class instructor and its booming.  I have most defiantly been blessed this last year.

 

I made two large commitments to myself at the start of the new year. I decided that I was going to take my health serious, get the extra weight off, get my Body fat to where it needs to be and get serious about my training. If I’m going to be a Personal Trainer, and teach people about living a healthy lifestyle, I need to practice what I preach. Another promise I made to myself, was to let go. Stop trying to micro manage and let things happen. With that, I had to give my life over to Jesus.  That meant, knowing, and trusting that it’s in his hands, and that he will take care of my family and myself. That was hard for me. Giving up all control to God, was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. However, once finally doing so, the rewards have been nonstop. His love has been insurmountable and with that I am eternally grateful.

 

                With all I’m glad to be back, be more consistent and to share my love and passion for fitness with everyone that I can reach.

 

Rachel